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Tomorrow I will Be 20 Years Old

Today, I went out and found a job in which I will be selling mattresses and beds. It only pays on commissions, but I’m okay with that. I will get to learn about new things such as the contents of mattresses and other sorts of things that have to do with sleep. I start on June 14th. I suppose the fact that I got a job today is sort of meaningful considering this is the last day that I will be a teenager. As the clock ticks closer to midnight, I am beginning to realize that this is the start of a new chapter of my life, and that prospect terrifies me.

I am scared of growing up, and I don’t really want to. I don’t want to become an adult who can’t go back to Neverland, or can’t see the flower faeries. I don’t want to forget my childhood and all of the wonderful things that went along with it. I’m afraid to become one of those people that doesn’t see the magic in every day things. I have gotten so caught up with school and my social life that sometimes I do forget the small things. I don’t want to, and I am afraid that the older I get and the more involved I get with school, life and a job that I am going to lose that magic. It terrifies me, and I don’t want to grow up.
On the other hand, I enjoy the freedoms and the joys of being able to go out to a club and dance the night away. I like the fact that in one year I will legally be able to walk in to a liquor store and by a bottle of bad, cheap red wine in order to make my father’s spaghetti recipe. The responsibilities, while sometimes fun can also be challenging and frustrating, but I’m really okay with that.

This growing up thing is really hard for me. I don’t know where that happy medium between a responsible adult and the fun-loving kid is. I don’t know how to keep myself from not becoming too busy to stop and talk to the faeries. I don’t know how to accept the fact that I am getting older and things are changing.

I had this sort of feeling two years ago, when I turned 18, and I have a feeling that I will have the same feeling next year when I turn 21. It is a mixture of both happiness and sadness. I will always look at the fun times and the sad times of my teen years and enjoy those memories. I am also looking forward to the new adventures that my post-teen years will bring, and the new memories that I will make.

Here’s to learning to live, learning to grow and learning to find the right mediums between responsibility and enjoying the little things.

Here’s to the little things, may they never grow.

Here’s to the flower faeries, and their constant influence in my life.

Here’s to my parents, who introduced me to the fae and molded me into who I am now.

Here’s to responsibility, what must be done will be, and I’ll try not to complain too much.

Here’s to the learning curve that we all must deal with as we grow up.

Here’s to my teenage years. I’m so happy that they were as fun as they were.

Here’s to the future and the adventures that it will bring.

Here’s to life. Enjoy it, and make the best of it.

MY TATTOO IS NOT FROM STUPID STARGATE

I love my new tattoo. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just difficult when you spend years wanting a specific symbol permanently on your body and then everyone insists that it looks like something that it’s not. I understand where there can be confusion and ignorance, but after I explain, it continues. I wouldn’t continue to make a joke about someone’s runic tattoo or other symbol that was a powerful thing to them after an explanation. I now almost feel badly for getting this shen on my body, since apparently now every time someone looks at my back they are going to think that I have a Stargate on me permanently. To me, it is not just a religious symbol, it’s more than that and means something to me personally.

I wish that people could look past their own ideas about what a symbol means and look at it historically and what it could mean to me personally.

I’ve never seen Stargate, and I really don’t care about it’s stupid fandom. To be honest, the movie is probably going to make me rage horribly. Yes, this is an angry note/journal entry. No, I don’t care if you are offended by this.

If you are curious about what the symbol means, ask me and I’d be happy to explain it. I understand that not everyone is as interested in ancient Egypt as I am. But once I do explain, stop your stupid comments about what you previously had thought it was. That is just disrespectful and offensive, and in no way is it funny or cute.


I just need to get this all straightened out because it is causing me emotional issues.

Oh, and by the way, I looked it up, and the centers of stargates are clearly blue….not red.

Reflections

I recently got in contact through facebook with my best friend when I was very small. After getting into school we sort of fell apart as friends because she became part of the popular crowd and I was not. She messaged me and after going through her pictures it seems as if I am actually doing very well for myself.

It is interesting to see where I was when I was her best friend and where I am now, and vice versa. She now has a nearly one year old son and is not in school. She is trying to get her life together and wants to start school to be an ultra-sound technician so that she can support her son as a single mom at 19. She asked me what I was up to in life, and I almost felt badly telling her that I was going to school at a University and doing really well with my life, have dreams, goals and a steady boyfriend.

I want to be happy for her, but at the same time, I feel really very sorry for this girl. When we were best friends, she had so much potential. It seems as if she squandered it away and is now happy living with her Grandmother and raising her son by herself. At the same time, I am not surprised that she is living like that.

I know I don't post much, and when I do post here it is rather serious stuff. I just needed a place to write this down.


This video did get me thinking. It achieved its goal...However, I don't think it did so in the way it meant to. If you choose to watch this. Please think about what it is saying. Make your own decisions about it.

The entire thing about the chalk can be 'chalked' up to pure coincidence due to the fact the professor was shocked that someone stood up to him. It was not 'God' it was a human act of surprise and bewilderment. This argument was flawed, at least this particular video. The conjecture that because the chalk did not break, it was God stopping it is great if you have the blind faith needed to believe that there was nothing else that could have possibly stopped it. But even as the video explained, it rolled down the professor's body, and off the tip of his shoe, hitting the ground and rolling off. That to me is not miraculous, and I am sure that it could easily be replicated. This material has not convinced me one bit that the Christian God is any more real than my Gods. However, it did get me thinking about what blind faith really is and how dangerous it can be to people who are afraid to question it.

I realize what I have said may anger people, and that's fine. It is not my intention to cause a huge argument. I admire the boy who stood up in the back of the classroom; his faith was strong, and he was very courageous.

10 Word Meme from Jinglebellz

Leave me a comment and I will give you a letter. Then, write 10 things you love that start with that letter. Post the list in your journal. Give out letters to your commenters in return.

I got a Q....

1) Quentin Tarantino films - because they are violent
2) Quiet time - because it's nice to relax
3) Quails - because they have funny little things on their heads
4) Quilts - because they are warm
5) Questions - because they are fun to ask and are used to find out new things
6) Quills - because they are more fun to write with then ball point pens
7) Quacks - because I like duck noises...and I'm a little odd
8) Quarters - because 4 of them equal 1 dollar
9) Quizno's - because they have good sandwiches
10) Queen - because they have amazing harmony and epic music

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School

Today is the last day of class of my first year of college. For me, this is a great milestone. It means that I don't fail at life (yet). Yes, I still have to get through finals in order to consider my first year completed, but the end of classes means that I have rounded that final bend and I am now on the home stretch. I am a little nervous about finals, but I have already taken finals for one semester, so this really shouldn't be that much different.

The last day I will be in the dorms is the 13th. I have two finals that day, and I have to be out of the dorms by 7:00 that evening. I'm almost there, and it has been a fun journey thus far. I am looking forward to what next year brings already. I am going to enjoy my classes; Imaginary Cities (A class that I can only assume is going to be about cities like Rivendell and Coruscant), Art of the Dark Ages (pretty self explanatory, it's an art history course), War and Peace (a class about medieval warfare), The Universe as We Know It (An astronomy course, I like the title. It made me thing of the answer to the meaning of life as we know it), and Mosaic I (a general education requirement that's sort of an all around philosophy course).


Other than my academic life, things have been absolutely wonderful. I have a great boyfriend, and I have been going out dancing mostly every Wednesday night to Shampoo for their goth/industrial night Nocturne. I am learning to balance social activities with academic ones and I think that is really good for me since I suck at time management. (I love to procrastinate). Speaking of which, I really need to get dressed and do my Italian homework....

Just thought I'd let you all know what is going on since I haven't been on this site in ages. Miss you all, and I can't wait to see you guys on a more regular basis after school is out.

Imbolc

Imbolc was WONDERFUL!

I managed to get a bunch of my friends over and we did a ritual here, thanks to Mommy who sent it to me! ^^ But I think I may have freaked out yet another roommate...

We were chanting Awen, and she walked in the door, looked creeped out, grabbed some things, blinked a few times and then awkwardly said "I'm....Just gonna do my homework in the lounge...." >> I offered if she wanted to join us. She looked even more scared by that.

So yeah. Go me. lol, at least she'll have a story to tell her children about college...

So...then after we were done, and we were cleaning up from the ritual, two RAs came in. I wrote on the little whiteboard that there was going to be an open ritual in here tonight, so that anyone who wanted to come could. Well, the RAs saw it and figured we were sacrificing children or something, and we all said, pretty much at the same time that it wasn't Thursday. They both looked horrified. It was amazing. xDD

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Favourite Commercials of the Night

1) Sobe Little Swans in 3D - OMG, epic much? That was so cool with the Little Swan dance from Swan Lake done by football players. The rest was just odd...but still EPIC! I just wish I had 3D glasses to watch it with.

2) McGruber Pepsi Add - Just because I love the McGruber sketches on what ever comedy show that is...SNL or MadTV, I don't remember which it is.






(Will be updated)

In other news: Zombie Hackers.

Austin, Texas... Just...wow.




Click for the full story. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,484326,00.html

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Jan. 29th, 2009

Egyptian Astrology outlook for today: Very favourable If you see anything on this day it will be good....
-Ancient Egyptian Magic, Bob Brier



Anyway, I don't have class today, so it is a good day to work on homework and stuff. Tomorrow, Sam (my roommate) and I have decided that we need to clean (OMG NOT NORMAL). Yeah, there really isn't much else going on.

I should go do stuff...get my day started and what not. Classes are going really well, and I am having fun with them. Not much else to report. *shrug*